Welcome to the only club where everyone has 47 mental tabs open, and at least one is stuck buffering.
If you’ve ever started a to-do list and accidentally created a full-blown life audit… congrats. You’re one of us.
This post isn’t about being “book smart.” It’s about that chaotic, exhausted kind of smart where you overanalyze a hug, decode emoji tone, and forget your own birthday because you were researching the philosophical implications of spoons.
Ready to laugh at your high-functioning mess of a brain? Let’s overthink this together.
🌀 Thought Spirals & Other Recreational Activities
My brain said “let’s relax.”
So I spent 90 minutes rehashing a conversation I had with a cashier in 2013.
I overthink, therefore I am… exhausted.
Therapist: What do you want?
Me: “Peace.”
Also me: wakes up in a cold sweat remembering that one time I said “you too” to the waiter who told me to enjoy my meal.
Told my brain to chill.
It created a flowchart.
Me: I should go to bed.
Also me: Let’s relive every bad decision since kindergarten.
I spiraled so hard last night…
I now have a thesis about why frogs are emotionally unavailable.
Asked myself, “What’s the worst that could happen?”
Brain: Here’s a slideshow.
Overthinking: where your brain plays both the devil’s advocate and the devil.
“Be yourself,” I did. Now I’m panicking in lowercase.
📥 Too Many Tabs, Not Enough RAM
My brain is like a browser.
19 tabs open.
3 are frozen.
1 is playing music.
And I have no idea where it’s coming from.
Memory: full.
Still remembers the time I called my teacher “mom.”
Doesn’t remember if I locked the front door.
Started cleaning my room.
Now I’m emotionally trapped in a box labeled “2009 notebooks.”
Woke up feeling refreshed.
Then remembered the unpaid bill, the unanswered email, and that cryptic text from my boss: “See me.”
I am no longer refreshed.
Current mental tabs open:
– Grocery list
– Deep regret
– The meaning of life
– Whether “LOL” was sarcastic
– That one scene from a 2007 movie I never finished
Autopilot mode:
Brushed my teeth with face cream. Twice.
I schedule reminders to check my reminders.
Still forget.
Brain.exe has stopped responding. Please try overthinking again later.
🛁 Shower Thoughts: Where Logic Goes to Drown
Showers are for existential dread and conditioner.
Do dogs think in barks?
Asking for a friend. And also for my dog.
Is cereal soup? Is a hot dog a sandwich? Should I be allowed near philosophy books?
Why do I suddenly remember my middle school locker combo but forget my own age?
Brain: You’re finally relaxed.
Also brain: Why did she say “interesting” like that??
I solved world hunger in the shower.
Then forgot to rinse my shampoo.
Brushed my teeth.
Suddenly remembered every embarrassing thing I’ve ever said.
Shower thoughts:
Where I become a philosopher, then dry off and forget everything.
Nothing like warm water and panic to jumpstart your morning.
💼 Smart Enough to Complicate Everything
Me: Let’s pick a restaurant.
Brain: Or… we could review all available cuisines in a 30-mile radius and cross-reference them with Yelp reviews from 2017?
Overachiever energy:
Turned a simple “yes” or “no” decision into a spreadsheet, a mood board, and a poll.
Wrote a pros and cons list.
Ended up having an identity crisis.
Just tried to RSVP to a party.
Now I’m Googling “social cues for introverts who don’t want to make eye contact.”
Friend: You’re smart!
Me: Just tried to use voice-to-text on my calculator.
Had to pick a cereal.
Started a full SWOT analysis. Currently on “threats.”
Sometimes I pretend to be dumb.
But my overcomplicated Google search history outs me every time.
Smart enough to know better. Too anxious to stop myself.
📚 Overthinker’s Guide to Daily Life
Step 1: Say something awkward.
Step 2: Think about it for 6 years.
Texted “haha yeah.”
Worried it wasn’t “haha” enough.
Me: I’ll let it go.
Also me: Narrates entire inner monologue like it’s a documentary.
Casual convo turns deep fast:
Barista: “How are you?”
Me: “Existential.”
Friend: Don’t overthink it.
Me: Okay. Immediately overthinks the instruction to not overthink.
Bought a planner to stay organized.
Overplanned. Now I’m stressed about being too productive.
Thought about asking for help.
Instead, did 4 hours of unnecessary work and spiraled.
It’s not a bad day, I just lost an imaginary argument with myself.
⚡ Quickfire: “Too Smart, Didn’t Help”
- Googled “how to stop overthinking.” Now I’m overthinking the search results.
- Can name every type of anxiety. Can’t remember my cousin’s birthday.
- My brain’s motto: “What if, but worse?”
- Obsessed with the idea of rest. Forgot how to do it.
- Wrote a perfect reply. Never sent it. Still proud.
- I don’t need therapy, I just need to stop thinking. (JK, I need therapy.)
- I don’t overthink everything. Just literally everything.
🔁 Callback Characters
- Brain: Always one step ahead… in the wrong direction
- The Fridge: Keeper of forgotten intentions
- The Shower: Host of all midnight epiphanies
- Spreadsheet Me: The one who makes a chart for dinner choices
- Sleep Mode: Elusive. Mythical. Interrupted by panic.
🎤 Final Thoughts
Overthinking isn’t a flaw—it’s a full-time job with no benefits and way too much overtime.
If this post made you laugh, wince, or start drafting a mental reply to something from 2012… share it with your fellow brain-tabbers.
We see you. We spiral with you.
Now go drink some water and forget what you walked into the kitchen for.
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