Because logic left the group chat.
Some things in life make sense: gravity, naps, two-day shipping. Other things? Not so much. Welcome to the world of Girl Dinner, Boy Math, and Emotionally Bankrupt Life Decisions — where vibes overrule logic and hotness is a valid excuse.
This is the chaos economy. And we are thriving-ish.
🍷 Girl Dinner: Beautiful, Unhinged, Nutritionally Confusing
Also see: Girl Dinner, Guy Fridge, Emotional Bankruptcy — a deep dive into snack-based survival and appliance-based betrayal.
Girl Dinner isn’t a meal. It’s a manifestation.
- 4 grapes
- 2 slices of brie
- 1 cracker
- A spoonful of peanut butter
- Half a LaCroix
- Vibes
What it’s not: dinner
What it is: peace
“If it fits on a charcuterie board or in your purse, it’s Girl Dinner.”
Other approved menu items:
- Frozen blueberries eaten straight from the bag
- One pickle and a dream
- Pasta with no sauce but a lot of hope
- Leftover fries from someone else’s takeout
Girl Dinner = The art of being too tired to cook but still romanticizing your struggle.
➗ Boy Math: Logic-Free Since Birth
Related post: Rage-Quits & Victory Dances — Fortnite chaos explained by Boy Math energy.
Boy Math is the science of making numbers cry.
- “If I split the bill but ate less, I’m still winning.”
- “I spent $50 on crypto. I’m an investor now.”
- “If I ghosted her before Valentine’s Day, I saved money.”
“Boy Math is wearing $300 sneakers and sleeping on a mattress on the floor.”
More Boy Math highlights:
- Buys protein powder but won’t buy body wash
- Owns 9 monitors and 1 fork
- Thinks a podcast counts as therapy
Boy Math isn’t just bad at arithmetic. It’s emotionally bankrupt finance.
🧘♀️ Hot Girl Walks: A Fitness Plan Powered by Delusion
Hot Girl Walk: when your mental health and Spotify playlist go for a stroll.
- Distance: 1.3 miles
- Podcast: “Dating Yourself: The Solo Love Revolution”
- Outfit: matching set, 3 claw clips, sunglasses with zero UV protection
“Walked around the block once. Mentally I’ve been to Bali.”
Things processed on a Hot Girl Walk:
- Breakups
- Revenge outfits
- Whether to cut bangs again
- The email you’ll never send
Calories burned: Probably none. But emotionally? Cleansed.
💅 Rich Mom Energy: Can’t Afford It, But I Channel It
If you like this vibe, you’ll love Impulse Shopping Regret — featuring scented candles and accidental confidence.
RME = walking into Target like it’s Chanel.
- Starbucks in hand
- Designer dupe sunglasses
- “I’ll just browse” energy that ends in $187.56 and a scented candle
“I don’t have kids, a budget, or a house — but I am a rich mom in spirit.”
Rich Mom Habits I’ve Adopted on a Broke Budget:
- Referring to errands as “appointments”
- Oversized totes for no reason
- Saying “I need a reset” and buying a $14 smoothie
Rich Mom math: aesthetic > logic.
🧊 Emotionally Unavailable Men: Dating Math Gone Wrong
If you text me only at night, compliment my eyes, and disappear for 3 days… you’re not mysterious. You’re Boy Algebra.
“Emotionally unavailable men treat communication like limited data.”
How to calculate their availability:
- Number of unread texts × number of playlists they send ÷ their screen time on Instagram
Key signs:
- Responds to a paragraph with “lol”
- Calls you “dude” after kissing you
- Mentions his ex more than his therapist does
Girl Logic: “I can fix him.”
Real Logic: No you cannot.
🤡 Other Life Math That Does Not Math
Girl Math:
- Returned $60 worth of stuff, so I can spend $120 now
- Anything bought with a gift card = free
Anxious Brain Math:
- 1 awkward interaction = 4 hours of spiraling
- 1 unread email = 10 days of existential dread
Shopping Math:
- “It’s on sale” = justification for financial ruin
- 3-for-1 deal = 2 items you’ll never use but emotionally needed
Vacation Math:
- 6-day trip = 18 days of prep + 12 days of recovery
- One suitcase. Infinite chaos.
⚡ Quickfire: None of This Adds Up
- Girl Dinner is three snacks and a candle.
- Boy Math is skipping therapy because “I’m fine.”
- Hot Girl Walks = cardio and overanalysis
- Emotionally Unavailable Men: ghosting with musical flair
- Rich Mom Energy: looks expensive, smells like vanilla
- Shopping while sad = Retail Algebra
- Ghosted? That’s just emotional subtraction.
- Diet starts Monday… which one? TBD.
- My budget has a vibe section.
- “No spend month” = ordered sushi twice and a tote bag
🎤 Final Thought: We’re All Just Trying to Make the Math Math
Still spiraling? You might also enjoy Subscription Fatigue — the jokes renew automatically (just like your free trial).
In 2025, vibes are currency. Logic is optional. Self-awareness is the group project we’re all kinda failing but showing up for anyway.
So if your dinner is a handful of trail mix, your dating life is defined by vague texts, and your math doesn’t add up emotionally or financially —
Congratulations. You’re doing great.
“The numbers don’t lie. But I do — to myself, daily.”
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